5th Nov, 07

I have not written a good paragraph yet. I am supposed be half way through by now. I think of my grandmother and her casual talks. They do not make any sequential thing. And most importantly I cannot trust my memory. I trust my imagination but not memory. But I need memory and facts more than the imagination to get on with this portfolio. I wrote to Anita a week back but she has her own limitations. She has a residence problem and she is combating the new situation. I am here and I have left her with the sons there. She needs to look after them and cook and feed them, ready the elder for school, send him and follow his assignments. I was left in trauma when I read her email some days back:

Baaba, I can't remember any moments of delight that we shared together. In my life there are only these two rooms and kitchen and the tention of the boys. I can't bring to my memory your face. I sometimes feel we will never meet again. How the living could be ahead. Let's go on waiting and seeing.
Baaba, I just felt so today and felt like writing this. Don't mind, Ok ? -Anita

After this I did not talk of my research with her some days. Thought this would just add to her troubles. And next day I arranged an online chat with her. Then I came to know that she had a problem with living there. The hotel downstairs was the cause of her distress. People got drunk and had a row every night. She felt lonely and insecure. The location there is a bit off centre and away from her maternal sisters' houses. Then I came to know that the sisters found another room to let her in near them where she felt better and secured. Then one day she wrote to me that she is getting shifted there.

After she shifted there she wrote to me that she is happy now. Then I followed up with my project. I sent a string of questions for her to research and write me back. To this she replied:

baba
we are fine.
yesterday you sent me massage in mobile & it deliver at 2.30 at night . there was one sentance 'help me ' so I did not understand & I connected net at night . I read mail & I feel better & slept.
yesterday in evening mama ghar ko aama khata bata ladnu bhayo ra aaakchine sabai lai tention bhayo tara naramro kehi bhayona .
tomorrow I am going to chandragadi there is puran .
today dadi is here .

today I talked in chuthai but nobody knows about that all quesrion' s answer. so I have to go to biratnagar to meet grandma's sister .
but sanubuha saggust me to goto chuthai first . so we all both family are going to chuthai tomorrow evening . he wil call everybody in our home he will ask that question he already convert that question into story and then .we will note down . if i cant get write answer then i will go to biratnagar.
dont worry i will manage.
sorry for late because last week I had tention about room . so I couldnot do . now I am free i will do this work at any cost .

other thing is fine
when I will ger answer I will send imediately
ok bye
anu

This made me feel better. I grew hopeful.